Don’t Catch Feelings… Just Yet

By: Cherimg_5260

I was talking with one of my girlfriends the other day about dating. The crazy thing about being single nowadays is that we all have been through one or more similar situations. She mentioned that she met a new guy online. A) It was the new norm before quarantine and B) how else are you going to meet potential prospects when you are semi-locked up in the house? I was pumped for her and was ready to hear more about this new guy until she sprung on me that one of her “guy friends” was coming into town. I was thinking who is this guy friend and does this new guy know about this “friend”?

As someone fairly new in the dating world, I wasn’t sure what to say. If it were me, I was thinking “tell him!” I am all about being transparent, so why start off the relationship in a lie? So that’s the thing about relationships…how is that defined? From situationships, entanglements, open relationships, how does one define a relationship? As I mentioned how important it was for me to be transparent, she stopped me and said, “this isn’t a monogamous relationship. We are not “together together.” The light bulb went off. Because she was right, although she had met this new guy and she really liked him, was diggin’ him, and was feeling monogamous relationship type of vibes they were not monogamous. She could do whatever she wanted. She wasn’t tied down to this new guy.

Having had this conversation plenty of times with various girlfriends, I know it just isn’t me. But why is it that when you start talking or dating a new person that you are feeling you put everything into a relationship that is not a monogamous relationship? We make plans, set aside our time, involve them in our lives just to come to the point when there isn’t any real clarity on what you all have. You may feel like you are in a relationship and doing relationship type of things, but you are not. We give and give and give until when it is time to give again there is nothing left to give. We develop feelings for someone who:

  1. May not have felt the same way but enjoyed your company.
  2. Understood that what you all had wasn’t a relationship but enjoyed having a monogamous type relationship knowing you were not talking/dating anyone else.
  3. Was still doing their own thing on the side and never said anything.

From my personal opinion, I think it is important to talk about how you both want to proceed with your relationship, whether it’s fast or slow, monogamous or still dating at the beginning of your introduction phase of the relationship or whatever you may call it. It eliminates any confusion on what you think you have and gives you some clarity. When it is time to take your relationship to the next level, you all can discuss it to make sure you both are on the same page. It sounds like a lot of work, but it will clear any ambiguities on where you are in your relationship. You know exactly where you all stand.

Love life and full of smiles,


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